Sometimes there are truths that are clear and make perfect sense in the broad light of day. We enthusiastically believe when our future looks bright, the sun is shining, our hopes and dreams are moving towards fulfillment. I can fully understand that God is all powerful, that He's good, that He has good plans for my life and that He is moving the world closer to redemption. However, when the dark descends and deepens, doubts and questions begin to rise.
An encouragement to me in the questioning is that my darkness as well as my questions are not unique. Darkness has been the experience of Christians throughout the ages starting with the very first, original Christ-follower. John the Baptist was not only Jesus' cousin but his calling and occupation was to know who the Messiah was and point Him out to others, to prepare the way. So it brings me a strange sort of comfort to hear him asking "are you really the One or should we look for another?" What has changed? What has shaken the confidence of the man who wandered about in the wilderness eating locusts and honey and who recognized and baptized the very Son of God? Prison is what changed. Darkness descended, life depending on the caprice of an insecure king. Who are you anyway? Is any of this really true? Should we be on the look out for someone else? Someone maybe a little more predictable, secure, safe???
Even more comforting than John's questions is Jesus' response. No criticism, no hurt feelings that His biggest fan, His own cousin was questioning, was doubting. This is what was sent back to John locked in the darkness
" the blind receive sight and the lame walk, lepers are cleansed and the deaf hear, and the dead are raised up, and the poor have good news preached to them. And blessed is the one who is not offended by me"
Jesus goes on to praise and confirm the calling and personhood of John. He does not give him a spiritually abstract answer, He does not quote prophets, He does not berate his lack of faith. He gives concrete evidence and He states that among those born of women there is no one greater than John the Baptist.
So I am wrestling, questioning. I'm not ok with whats happening to Jonny's body, to our family, to our future. I believe that joy always comes in the morning and I believe there will be a morning. But how long will this night last and how dark will it get before the sky starts to lighten? Will we make it through this? And who are you Jesus in this? I'm angry at times at Him, but I'm also in love with Him. I cant help it. I don't know how long or dark this is going to be, I don't even know where He is in it most of the time. But I believe Him when He says we are blessed when we are not offended by Him....when we stay close with our questions instead of stuffing them deep and taking them somewhere else. So there is very little that we know, but I have tasted and seen enough to hang tight to the One who makes blind eyes to see, deaf ears to hear, lame legs to dance and dead bodies to breathe.
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